Wednesday, November 28, 2007

no. 5: just as mushy

You would probably see me as a strong character. In fact, marami ang nagsasabi na mukhang matapang ako, unapproachable, etc., etc... lalo na't hindi mo ako masyadong kilala (or does knowing me make any difference? ewan hehehe). Hindi kasi ako mahilig sa ka-dramahan sa buhay. I’m overly practical, a bit cold-hearted and it takes a lot to make me cry. But believe it or not, there are a few things that could melt my heart in an instant.

One of them is seeing a stray cat. Dogs too. But I feel more strongly for cats. May istorya kasi sa likod non.

Siguro mga 7 years old pa lang ako when my father brought home a stray kitten. A cute, furry, white ball with black spots at ang buntot eh nakabaluktot in three sections. Tuwang-tuwa ako to have him. Only child ako so ang magkaroon ako ng kasama at kalaro, even in the form of a kitten, eh big deal para sa akin. I named him Turnino (I really don’t know where I got that awful name).

I took good care of him. Kung ano ang pagkain ko, yon din ang kinakain nya. In fact, madalas akong napapagalitan coz i spoiled him a lot. Naging very choosy sya sa pagkain. At hindi mo mapapatapak sa lupa or putik. Maglalaro man sya sa labas pero sandali lang, babalik agad sa bahay. And never messed himself up tulad ng ibang nakikipag-away at uuwing putikan, duguan or nanglilimahid. Kung sa tao, he's always neat and clean.

Dahil para ko syang stuffed toy, tinatabi ko sya pagtulog. Hanggang nasanay na sya at hindi na umalis sa tabi ko. Then my parents warned me that I could get asthma if I go on like that (thank God I didn’t).

So I tried to kick him out of my room. Nila-lock ko pa ang bedroom door ko, and tucked the kulambo (mosquito net) edges under some heavy pillows para hindi sya makapasok. Pero magigising pa rin ako sa umaga na nasa tabi ko sya, all warm and purring from a deep, comfortable sleep.

After High School, I left home to study in the city, leaving Turnino behind with my parents. Pero ang parents ko, ayaw pumayag na matagal akong hindi makikita so they had to relocate from Mindoro to Batangas, mas malapit sa Manila at mas madalas akong makakauwi.

Trouble is, they left Turnino behind.

Studies, and, later on work, took 100% of my time and attention. It was years later when I realized I was missing something. Then I started wondering what happened to my Turnino.

Sabi ng isang pinsan ko, he became a stray cat after my parents left. And that made me so guilty. Naisip ko, after living a comfortable life, siguro nag-suffer sya while trying to survive in the streets, scavenging for food, fighting it out with meaner cats or dogs, getting soaked in the rain and just wandered aimlessly. Siguro nagkasakit sya at basta na lang namatay sa isang madilim na sulok. O kaya nasagasaan ng truck. Tuwing naiisip ko yon, i feel so bad.

Until this day, isa sya sa biggest guilt na dala-dala ko. Sure he’s just a cat. But he was a part of my childhood. We practically grew up together. And I loved him like a brother that I never had.

The fact na hindi ko na malalaman kung anong nangyari sa kanya is unbearable. It always makes me sad. And I think I’ll never forgive myself for making him suffer whatever he’s gone through.

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