A friend and I were chit-chatting yesterday. Our conversation turned into leveling. Yon bang tipong discrimination at level-level sa buhay because of social status or whatever. So I thought I’d better write something about it . Coz it’s something I strongly feel about.
If you haven’t noticed, the quote I have right at the bottom of this page is a line from Desiderata. It says
‘If you compare yourself with others you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself’.
Hindi ko yan nilagay dyan just for the sake na meron akong words of wisdom sa blog ko. I put it down there coz I’m a firm believer of Desiderata. Particularly this line.
As much as possible, i do not compare myself with others. Kasi, para sa akin, comparing yourself, insecurities, inferiority/superiority complex and loving yourself all belong to one thread. Here’s how.
Comparing yourself with others kasi is a direct manifestation of your insecurities. Ke tungkol man yan sa pagiging mayaman o mahirap, about your looks o yong intellectual capacity mo. Whatever your insecurity is about, it eats you up whether you’re conscious about it or not.
You always compare yourself with the next guy/gal dahil may insecurities ka. At pag na-enhance ang insecurity mo dahil sa kako-compare mo, don nag-uumpisa yong mga complex-complex. Buti kung housing complex tulad sa Taguig. Pero hindi. Yon yong mga superiority at inferiority complex na commonly umaatake sa mga taong either kulang/sobra ang tiwala sa sarili or talaga lang tagilid ang takbo ng kukote.
Pag nakakita ka ng mas guwapo/maganda and you feel bad about yourself dahil pangit ka (sa tingin mo), then your insecurity is giving you an unwarranted inferiority complex. Iniisip mong ‘sana ganon din ako ka-good looking’ which, unconsciously, is one way of telling yourself that you don’t like your own self. But have you ever thought na guwapo/maganda man siya, it doesn’t necessarily make him/her a better person than you are?
Pag nakita mong bago ang mp3 player ng isang kaibigan mo and you thought to yourself na ‘hmmmp, mas maganda pa rin ang i-pod ko’. Then you are giving yourself some hot air to blow your ego. Things like this make you harbor superiority complex over other individuals na hindi umaabot sa standards mo.
And that is sad.
Dahil yon nga, if you compare yourself with others, you become bitter. Dahil laging merong mas mayaman, mas guwapo/maganda, mas matalino at mas bago ang i-pod kesa sa yo. Everytime you meet somebody who you think possesses more than what you have, you’ll burn in envy, disappointment and feeling inferior. And that, to me is pathetic coz you’re feeling sorry for yourself for not having more when in fact you should be thankful for having what you have.
Inversely, you will become vain. Dahil laging merong mas mababa ang sweldo compared sa sweldo mo, hindi makapag-ingles ng diretso tulad mo or hindi kasing-macho/seksi ang tindig tulad mo. And you look at them as lesser person compared sa yo. Then you put yourself above these people, you look down upon them as if they were lesser forms of human being. Aastahan mo sila ng buong kaangasan.
And that’s a no-no for me. Being richer, more beautiful/handsome, more intelligent or more popular doesn’t necessarily mean you are ‘superior’. It doesn’t give you the right to treat people with disrespect dahil lang sa tingin mo ay mas mataas ang level mo kesa sa kanila. (But of course galit din ako sa mga taong maangas pero wala namang karapatang mag-angas!)
In short, if you are so conscious about anything in your life, you will never ever find contentment. Dahil doon mo dini-define ang existence mo sa mundong ito.
Pasalamat ako dahil hindi ako madalas inaatake ng mga complex na ito like most people do. Mahilig man akong mangarap na yumaman, hindi naman ako yong tipong turning green pag may kaibigan or kakilalang mapera. Oo nga at nakaka-inggit ang mga material things na meron sila. Pero wala man ako non, meron naman akong heart of gold. Hehehehe… joke lang… may pagka-idealistic ako pero hindi ako naïve.
Seriously, sa akin kasi, wala man ako ng kayamanan mo, at least nagsisikap ako on my own to achieve it. And instead of turning my insecurity into something that poisons my entire being, ginagamit ko yon to fire up myself. I strive harder and enjoy the fruit of that hard work. And for that, I don’t think you can consider me a lesser peron than you are. Na-ah!
Ganito ang mentality ko because I know who I am. What I can and can not do. What I know and don’t know. In short, I’ve come to terms with my ownself. I know my strengths and i fully harness it. I know my weaknesses and try to work on it. But I never beat myself about it. Kaya in the end, I love myself. That is why, I’ve long stopped comparing myself with others. At kung anoman ang insecurities ko, I can put most of them at bay. Thus leaving me complex-free. Most of the time.
And so, as I said, comparing, insecurities, superiority/inferiority complex and loving yourself - magkaka-dikit yan. But you can wipe out the first three by the last one. So why not give it a shot. It’s something difficult to achieve. But it’s definitely worth trying.
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