know thyself

I just had my yearly performance appraisal at work and I thought it’s one good blog material. Pero kahit juicy ang kwento about this performance evaluation at ang ganda sanang i-discuss dito, professional etiquette restrains me from doing so. Kahit ba naman marami akong BMW sa trabaho, I still wouldn’t compromise myself from discussing something that is supposedly ‘sensitive’ info and should remain safely tucked inside the gates of the company I work for. (I gotta give myself a pat on the back for exercising this restraint ha!)

Instead, magpapakalalim ako about that performance review and make it my own. Kasi sa totoo lang, it maybe your performance evaluation at work, as viewed by your boss, pero mas magandang meron ka ring evaluation ng sarili mo. There’s nothing better than an honest self-inrospection. Sabi nga ni lolo Confucius, know thyself.

Sa dati kong trabaho, I’ve had a couple of chances na ako ang nag-evaluate sa sarili ko. Those were the days when my boss was cool and liberal enough to toss me the evaluation paper and say ‘here, rate yourself then we’ll discuss’. Di ba ang saya pag ganon. Bigyan mo ng full marks ang sarili mo, excellent lahat ang rating.
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But not quite.

Dahil sa respeto ko sa very cool kong amo, hindi ko magawang samantalahin yong very tempting opportunity. In fact, naunahan ako ng hiya sa sarili ko. My guardian angel must be poking on my right ear incessantly dahil yong nasa kaliwa eh binubulungan ako na ‘sige, excellent lahat ang ilagay mo… go, go, go’.

Besides, alam ko naman na idi-discuss pa rin naman naming dalawa ng boss ko kung anoman ang gawin ko. Hindi naman nya pipirmahan blindly kung anoman ang isulat ko. He’s just giving me the chance to be introspective. So I had to dig deep into the inner recesses of my conscience (lalim… hahaha) to come up with the most objective self-evaluation I can give myself.

Fortunately, walang violent reaction yong boss ko when I gave him the paper. We discussed a few points and in the end, he changed one evaluation point a grade lower (where I admittedly over estimated mylsef) but gave me higher marks on two areas na medyo in-understimate ko naman yong sarili ko. Ang ending, naging very effective yong appraisal dahil parang lalo akong na-challenge to give him (and the work) my best.

Fast forward to the present, kung ako ulit ang mage-evaluate ng sarili ko, ganito ang kalalabasan:

Knowledge of work: with all honesty, excellent ang ibibigay ko sa sarili ko. It’s because I have a very high level of understanding kung ano ang dapat kong i-deliver to meet the requirements of the job. And it comes from the fact na 6 years na ako sa trabahong ito (not to mention the previous years na dala-dala ko before I joined this company). Pag ganon ka na katagal sa trabaho at hindi mo pa na-grasp ang dapat mong gawin para maging worthy ka sa sinu-sweldo mo, there must be something wrong with yourself.

Communication skills: very good. I often get excellent marks from my boss in this area and that’s because he only sees how i express myself orally. In that aspect, payag ako sa excellent rating. But it’s just half of the whole thing. Pagdating kasi sa written communication, may problema ako. My boss sees only the end product of what I write. At akala nya eh ang galing-galing kong gumawa ng memo/e-mail, work procedures, project proposals, documentation, etc. But the truth is, bago ako makagawa ng isang effective business document, katakot-takot na editing ang ginagawa ko. It’s because I have the penchant for writing in prose. Pang-magazine at pang-blog ang writing style ko and sometimes it’s a struggle to keep my written material strictly business. One time, I wrote a work instruction and used the word ‘albeit’. Tama ba naman yon!
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Interpersonal skills: very good. Excellent din palagi ang binibigay sa akin ng mga boss ko. Maybe because I can express myself well. But the truth is, expressing yourself is not even the question here. It’s about how you interact with other people at work. And I know I really have to improve on this one. A previous boss of mine once said something like ‘dante, the secret to successful meetings is knowing how to adapt to the level of communication the other person is commanding’. Pag nga naman executives ang kausap mo, huwag mong kwentuhan ng finals ng american idol o kung sino ang nag-number one sa FHM. You’ll be seen as a dud. Kung messenger or janitor naman, wag mong i-expect na makikinig sya sa mga nangyari sa G8 meeting o yong tungkol kay Madoff. It’s unfair to the guy. But despite the fact that I have those wise words in my data bank, it’s still a struggle to keep my cool lalo na pag makukulit and/or plain stupid ang kausap ko (marami dito nyan). Madali akong mabuwisit at pag ganon, madalas akong nakakapag-bitaw ng sharp retorts. Kaya alam ko, I still have room to improve on this area. I still have to learn how to smile habang minumura ko ang kausap ko under my breath.
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Punctuality: ah, dito. Bagsak ako. Kung si Jalil (driver ng shuttle service namin) ang mage-evaluate sa akin, sigurado he’ll give me a negative rating. Dahil lagi ko syang pinag-aantay. Lagi kasi akong late sa umaga. At kung hindi lang shuttle bus ang transpo ko to and from work, I would have probably been fired for tardiness. Very good lang ang rating ko ngayon because I have no choice but to keep up with the bus’ timing. But if I were to drive myself to work, siguradong late ako palagi. Sarap kasing matulog pag pa-umaga na!

Flexibility: Fail. Madali rin akong mainis pag inaabala ang isang trabaho ko, lalo at may deadline para lang gawin ang isa pang trabaho just because my boss says so. Though in my previous work (yong sa Makati) I’ve learned a few things tungkol sa flexibility. Dahil nasa consulting work ako noon, I was doing a project in Quezon City one day and do a presentation the next in Makati. Or conduct a training in Taguig saka tatakbo ng Cebu para sa isang convention. It totally burned me out kaya balik ako sa isang mas normal na 8-hour office job. Kaya hindi ako pwedeng artista. Hindi ko kayang mag-drama at one scene then action the next. Hirap non!
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Overall, I have a good grasp of my own strengths and weaknesses. I harness those strong points and try to work on the weak ones. Pero sa totoo lang, mahirap mag-improve ng mga weak points na yan. It’s a continuous process. But what’s important is that I know what I can do and what my limitations are. It keeps me grounded and provides the much-needed reality check pag umiinit ang ulo ko sa trabaho. And mind you, madalas mangyari yon!